............What a wonderful season. You party, you laugh, you enjoy. You gather up with old friends, you meet new friends, you try to forget past affairs. You dance. You sing. And it all seems a perfect moment glowing in your miserable existence. For some moments you shine with all your beauty and elegance. Presents, dinners, new stories to keep in your memory for all the times yet to come. Souvenirs that won't ever disappear. And it is by Christmas time that you realize how frail life is. You realize how silly human beings truly are. You ask yourself why things turn out this way, that way. Why feelings are constantly repressed. Why everyone seems to enjoy complicating everything so much. It could all be so simple, but our nature makes it all so terribly painful. But it is at Christmas, when you're surrounded by the people you loved once, and maybe still love, that you finally see that everything is so silly. That all we actually want is love. That all we're seeking is acceptance. That all we need is each other...
............Instead of trusting, we hide. Instead of fighting for love, we give up. Instead of following our dreams, we let monotony win it all. We cry for insignificant things. We regret the inevitable. We ask ourselves the same old questions. We try to understand those who hurt us the most. We refuse to let go, when the only thing we should do is precisely to forget. What are we? I ask myself, in this Christmas day. Should we call ourselves masochists, for hanging on to pain? Or simply humans, for always wanting what we can't have?
............Now you tell me, because I'm running out of answers.
............What are we today? Will we be the same, tomorrow? Will we still be asking ourselves these same questions next year? I can't know that. And neither can you, I suppose. But what haunts me today, might never haunt you. So, I'll just stop wandering. I'll just keep it all in, like always. Because it's Christmas day and there is no use on hoping for the unknown.
pic: Lisboa 2009-2010